My sister

It will be almost a year next month since my sister's passing. I wonder which is worse, to lose someone suddenly or to watch someone fighting for their life and losing the battle. I have been through both in my lifetime. My mother who passed away suddenly when I was in the UK 11 years ago and my sister who fought for her life last year. What I miss the most about my mother was how I will miss the time we spent together, regrets for not being with her more often..but since then, I don't view my mother in sadness anymore or self-pity, I think about my mother and I'm thankful for all the wonderful years I had with her. I'm glad she went so quickly without any pain.

This blog is about my sister. Lately I've been thinking a lot about her. Maybe it is because her one year anniversary is coming up. When she found out her cancer had come back, she fought. We had all hope that she would overcome this disease again but alas, it wasn't to be. For 2 years she struggle. It had come back in her lungs, then spread to her brain and spine. So at first she was losing balance walking, so she bought a walker for balance, then it came to a point that she couldn't walk anymore. She had to be wheelchair bound. It was at this point, her weight started to drop. By the time she became bed bound because she couldn't move her legs anymore (the cancer had hit her spinal cord), she was nothing more then skin and bones. All this while watching her waste away, feeling so helpless as nothing could be done. My once talkative sister, who was always opinionated struggled to even talk. As her health deteriorated, she became weaker until one day she started coughing up blood, not any blood, blood clots. Her kidneys was failing and her body was shutting down. She couldn't move in bed so she had to be turned to her sides every so often. She developed bed sores, the holes were so big you could put your fist in it and even see her bone. Every time spent with her was a blessing but I knew the day would come when I had to say goodbye. She knew that too. But I still hoped somehow that a miracle would happen and that she'll get up from bed and say 'I'm cured!'.

To lose some that way, to watch her waste away, my only sister leaves a mark. It makes me appreciate what I have, who I am. So whenever I hear someone say they are fat, it leaves me a little frustrated and upset because I remember how much my sister struggle to gain her weight back but her cancer kept winning. It is worse to watch someone die slowly because the memories stay on. However on saying that, the lesson learned is a precious one.

Live Life To the Fullest. Appreciate what you have, be happy with who you are physically and if you're not, do something about it. After all, we do not know what tomorrow will bring or if there is a tomorrow.

My sister and I on her 40th birthday

On her 42nd and last birthday